I started smoking marijuana when Nevada legalized medical use in 2016. Then plan was to get high, but I inadvertently cured my depression, anxiety and PTSD. And as an added benefit, I lost 175 pounds.
After 9/11, I became very anxious. Then, I became very depressed. I was suffering from PTSD, but I did not know it yet. I was seeing 2 doctors, 4 times a week in Manhattan. My behavior started becoming erratic. My friends cut me off. My girlfriend left me. My family judged me. Everything everyone did was contributing to my nightmare. I felt like I was on a sinking ship and instead of sending me a life boat, my friends & family handed me concrete bricks.
I left New York and moved back home, to Oregon. That is where I got in trouble with the law. The law said "we can help you, but you gotta do what we say". I complied. They made me go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, therapy, and counselors. Nothing worked. I could have told them that. I had already seen the best doctors in New York and been to best rehab facility in Connecticut. These doctors and counselors in Clackamas County, Oregon were subpar to the Manhattan doctors I had seen, but I was legally obliged to comply. I obeyed their orders and I escaped drug court without a citation.
However, I can stay sober for years, but that does not mean my depression has been cured. I still needed something to fill the void. I dated an employee. That was my first bonehead move as boss (in a long line a mishaps). Not only was it inappropriate, Anna was a thief, a liar, and only interested in money; imagine the Real Housewives of New York moved to a shitty town in Oregon. That's Anna.
Anna was a distraction for my PTSD, depression and anxiety. Work was also a distraction. We worked together, played together and partied together. But I could not be alone. I was severely depressed, anxious and suffering from PTSD due to the events on 9/11 that had happened 10 years earlier. It was 2011.
When Anna left me, I became suicidal again. I immediately got arrested within a few days of her leaving. The folks in Alcoholics Anonymous would say it was "divine intervention". Perhaps I would have died that week if I was left alone. Instead, I got to have cell mates.
I met my wife in 2012. We took off to Panama. She was also depressed. Her mom committed suicide in 2005 and her step-brother had just died in a motorcycle accident in 2008. It made my life problems seem petty. We bonded. She understood my depression. She forgave me for lashing out at her. She must have known it was misdirected anger. We got married in Las Vegas in January 1st, 2014.
But I was still depressed. We stopped drinking alcohol and stopped doing cocaine. We went to the gym everyday. I lost a few pounds. I felt pretty good. But I was still depressed. I learned that just losing weight, going to the gym, and having a nice car will not cure anything. To cure depression, one must go to the root. What's the root? How should I know? But I do know that when we started smoking medical marijuana in 2016, then we started getting better.
To lose weight, you must work on you head game first.
To cure my depression, I tired everything. I had two doctors that I saw 4 times a week. I had to stop working. Eventually, my insurance ran out. I resorted to street drugs. I did anything to keep me from thinking about suicide. I was on several pharmaceuticals. Nothing worked until I started smoking medical marijuana in 2016. Now I feel better and maybe I can help you, too.