Happy Mother’s Day!!
I remember when I was a little girl, my dad had just recently left my mom and me and my sis. My sister and I were 6 and 8. We saved up our allowance and went to Grocery Outlet and we bought our mom everything we could buy for $40 for Mother’s Day 1991.
We got a whole new kitchen set. The plates were these little blue country houses. We bought every kind of little trinket you could get at a grocery store. She was so happy. It meant so much to her. I was thinking of that day today and I started crying. I miss my mom.
For those of you who don’t know, my mom committed suicide when I was 20 years old. I was in the Air Force. She got really depressed due to her diet, which creates hormonal imbalances. She ended up shooting herself in the heart. She couldn’t deal with this life anymore. She’s doing amazing in the next life. I talk to her everyday.
I finally understand her pain. Now that I have experienced similar to what she went through. I was depressed for the last 14 years if not more. Diet and sexual repression are the biggest cause of depression.
Today on Mother’s Day, I’m thinking a lot about my mom. As a Jedi, our loved ones, help us daily. You can feel their presence. On days like this, I still miss my mom’s face, eyes, voice, laugh, hugs and kisses. My mom is the best woman I’ve ever known. People don’t always understand, because she killed herself. They assume that she may not have been the best mom. She was though.
She just went into a deep depression the last year of her life. I still remember the last time I saw her. She was so weak and she was barely waving at me in my review mirror. I had to go back to Oklahoma City for the Air Force. I never saw her again. That was October 2005. She died a couple weeks later.
My mom loved holidays. She would go nuts for birthdays, Mother’s Day, Christmas any time to celebrate. Now holidays are very different. JediRich and I keep to ourselves. We do not do the family functions anymore. Once you’ve lost a parent and a brother, holidays go out the window.
Two years after my mom died, my step brother died in a motorcycle accident. I know they are together today. Along with Grandpa and Grandma. I had a dream about all of them last night. I love you mom, Justin, Grandpa and Grandma!! I miss all your faces. Thanks for the nice dream, so I could remember how beautiful you all are!!
Thanks for being with me always!!
My name is Jedi Joy Lightowler. I am a writer, USAF Vet, and an eating disorder and nutrition specialist.
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